The Need for Control
Letting Go of What You Can't Change and Focusing on What You Can
In today's fast-paced world, it's no surprise that so many of us are searching for ways to manage stress, reduce anxiety, and regain a sense of balance. With rising living costs, global uncertainty, workplace pressures, social media comparison, and constant news updates, it's easy to feel like life is happening to us rather than for us.
Many of us crave certainty because certainty feels safe. But when life becomes unpredictable, our need for control can actually increase our stress rather than reduce it.
The good news? Peace doesn't come from controlling everything; it comes from knowing where to place your energy.
Why Do We Need to Feel in Control?
The human brain is wired to seek predictability. When we know what's coming next, we feel safer and more secure. However, when life feels uncertain, our minds naturally try to regain control by worrying, overthinking, planning excessively, or trying to fix everything around us.
Some of the biggest reasons people are struggling with control right now include:
- Stress management
- Anxiety and overwhelm
- Financial uncertainty
- Work-life balance
- Mental health awareness
- Burnout recovery
- Cost of living pressures
- Relationship challenges
- Fear of the future
These are all valid concerns, but not all of them are within our control.
A Simple Exercise: What's In Your Control?
Take a piece of paper and divide it into three columns.
1. In My Control
These are the things you can directly influence through your choices and actions.
Examples include:
- Your attitude
- Your daily habits
- Your reactions
- Your health choices
- Setting boundaries
- Asking for help
- Managing your time
- Learning new skills
- Practising gratitude
- Looking after your wellbeing
This is where your energy creates change.
2. Some Control
These are situations where your actions make a difference, but you cannot control the entire outcome.
Examples include:
- Career progression
- Relationships
- Parenting
- Saving money
- Fitness goals
- Business growth
- Exams
- Home improvements
You can influence these areas, but other people or circumstances also play a part.
3. Out of My Control
These are the things we often spend the most time worrying about—even though we cannot change them.
Examples include:
- Other people's opinions
- The economy
- World events
- The weather
- Traffic
- The past
- Ageing
- Other people's choices
- Unexpected setbacks
Holding onto these creates unnecessary emotional exhaustion.
The Power of Letting Go
Releasing what is outside your control isn't giving up.
It's choosing where your energy will have the greatest impact.
Imagine carrying three heavy bags every day. One contains your responsibilities. Another contains everyone else's problems. The third contains worries about things that may never happen.
Eventually, the weight becomes too much.
What if you simply put down the bags that were never meant to be carried by you?
Letting go creates space for clearer thinking, healthier decisions, and greater emotional resilience.
Shift Your Focus
Whenever you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed, ask three simple questions:
What feels in control?
Celebrate what's already working.
What feels like I have some control over?
Choose one small action you can take today.
What feels completely out of my control?
Give yourself permission to release it.
You might write it down, speak it aloud, pray, meditate, or simply acknowledge:
"I cannot control this, so I choose not to carry it today."
This simple practice helps calm the nervous system and redirects your attention towards action rather than worry.
Small Actions Create Big Change
When life feels uncertain, we often think we need huge changes to feel better.
In reality, confidence grows from small, consistent actions.
Drink more water.
Take a walk.
Turn off the news for an evening.
Call a friend.
Take five deep breaths.
Go to bed earlier.
Say no without guilt.
These may seem small, but each one reminds your brain that you are capable of making positive choices.
Control isn't about changing the world overnight.
It's about choosing your next step.
Final Thoughts
Life will always contain uncertainty.
There will always be things we wish we could change.
But when we stop fighting what we cannot control and instead invest our energy into what we can influence, something powerful happens.
We feel calmer.
We think more clearly.
We become more resilient.
Instead of asking, "How do I control everything?"
Try asking,
"Where is my energy best spent today?"
That single question has the power to transform not only your mindset but also your wellbeing.
FAQ's
Why do people have such a strong need for control?
Our brains are naturally designed to seek safety and predictability. During times of uncertainty, it's common to want more control because it helps us feel secure. Learning to focus on what you can influence can reduce anxiety and improve emotional wellbeing.
How can I stop worrying about things I can't control?
Start by identifying what's within your control, what you can influence, and what is completely outside your control. Redirect your energy towards practical actions you can take today, while consciously letting go of worries that serve no purpose.
How does focusing on what I can control improve mental health?
Focusing on controllable actions helps reduce stress, prevent overwhelm, improve decision-making, and build resilience. Small daily actions create a greater sense of confidence and wellbeing over time.
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